Weapons Birthday Cake

100 Reasons Why It's Great to Be a guy - really? The three days are nervous

Found this list which talks why it's great to be a man. Let's see:

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. Which only means you save money on phone bills to spend more on video games. At least women interact with real people, not characters.

2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. Well, thank God for that. Then again, imagination is the best aphrodisiac, women don't need movies.
   

3. You know stuff about tanks. I think women have discovered the Internet as well.

4. A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase. Women need only one suitcase as well. Maybe a slightly bigger one.

5. Monday Night Football. Everyday soaps. Ha!
   

6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives. Cause if you did, you might pick up a few pointers.

7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. Well... yes. You got us there.

8. You can open all your own jars. Women have a personal assistant who opens jars, doors, and any other boring activity like that.
   

9. Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight. Old friends of women don't give a crap about that either. They point it out, they don't stop being your friend if your weight changes.
   

10. Dry cleaners and barbers don't rob you blind. As a woman, you can get out of tickets easier. I bet women save about the same as men.
    

11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying. Women don't have to stall for 5 minutes to see the score of a football match.

12. Your butt is never a factor in job interviews. Oh, really??

13. All your orgasms are real. All women's feelings are real.
    

14. A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex. No, but lack of a career does. Which one is harder to get, i wonder, a flat stomach or a career?

15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards). Well, that's just... do i need to dignify that with an answer?

16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go. If you guys admit it's useful, how come women "lug" it?

17. You understand why "Stripes" is funny. This must be a cultural thing, so i'll just assume it's wrong.

18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. Yeah, that's true. Men find support in anybody who is already in the urinal, staring at them while they pee.
    

19. Your last name stays put. If women are smart, so does theirs. We don't live in the Middle Ages anymore, you know.
    

20. You can leave the hotel bed unmade. Women can leave the hotel without paying (cause the men do).
    

21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you. Women don't do that.
    

22. You can kill your own food. Women can pick their own food. And they are nice to the animals too.
    

23. The garage is all yours. The rest of the house belongs to women though.
    

24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Women get extra credit for the slightest amount of sex.
    

25. You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment". Whoop-di-do.

26. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow. Women don't have to worry whether the man will consider her endowed.

27. You never have to clean a toilet. Women never have to change a flat tire.
    

28. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes. Women can do that too. Then again, women never have to wait for men to get ready.
    

29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation. Mkay, there you have a point. But that situation will change eventually.
    

30. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Women have men who pay for wedding planners.
    

31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. That goes for women too. And last I checked, this wasn't 100 reasons why it's great to be a decent human being as opposed to crazy.

32. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. Is there a manly equivalent for lace or the effect that it has on men? Or is that priceless?
    

33. The National College Cheerleading Championship. Rock bands and actors (most of them are men)
    

34. You don't have to shave below your neck. Women don't have to shave above their neck. Every day.

35. None of your co-workers has the power to make you cry. Again, this is not a list to differentiate crazy from stable. Goes for women too.
    

36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night. Do all gay men shave their butts? Plus men don't have to curl up to a woman with a scary face mask every night.
    

37. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices. Except all your extended family, all your married friends and your nosy boss. How is that different with women?
    

38. You can write your name in the snow. Women can have a water fight and not feel gay.
    

39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest. Yeah, great, all women envy men because of that.

40. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color. How is that fun or great in any way?
    

41. Chocolate is just another snack. Beer is just another drink.
    

42. You can be president...in this lifetime. Women can too. They already were , actually.
    

43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. Women don't have to listen to any nagging from the men in the car.
    

44. Flowers fix everything. Sex fixes everything. And it doesn't cost any money either.

45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings. Yes you do if you want to live in society.
    

46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours. Women get to pretend that they don't think about sex that often.

47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. Women can wear short shorts.
    

48. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough. Women can live without video games or the latest in sound systems and home cinema systems.
    

49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store. Women can do that and get the whole store for free.

50. You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think. Try saying that in a board meeting at work.
    

51. Foreplay is optional. Sex is optional.
    

52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe. Megan Fox doesn't live in women's universe either.
    

53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room. When somebody does that when a woman walks in, it's out of respect. It's a good thing.
    

54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. Women's sweat is sexy, not stinky.
    

55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by. Women don't have to either. It's just common sense.
    

56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. Oh my God, society lies to men about what women do and men believe every word of it.

57. Car mechanics tell you the truth. Women don't need the truth, they just need their car fixed.
    

58. You don't give a rat's ass if anyone notices your new haircut. Women don't give a rat's ass if anybody notices their new car stereo.
    

59. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me." Yeah, women have conversations instead of watching a game. Men win, definitely.

60. The world is your urinal. Enough with the pee stuff already. Can't men find anything better?

61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you. Women never have to worry whether the sex was good.
    

62. You get to jump up and slap stuff. Monkeys do that too.

63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. Razors don't come near women's jugular.
    

64. One mood, all the time. That's great - for women. Men, on the other hand, have to stand the whole array of a woman's moods.

65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him. Ok, that doesn't make any sense.
    

66. You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy. I think you're mistaking women for crazy people.
    

67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle. Women just know one - ask the men to do it for them.
    

68. You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing. Remember Basic Instinct? Can men do that?

69. Same work...more pay! Ok, true. Shame on you.
    

70. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. And years, let's not forget years.
    

71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment. And that's why men have their fly open for everybody else too see.
    

72. Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75. Groom who pays for all this: priceless.

73. You don't care if someone's talking about you behind you back. Of course you do. You just have to hide it.
    

74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory. Can men do that without at least one woman? Women can have babies without men - they just need their sperm.

75. You don't mooch off others' desserts. Women get to mooch off others' desserts though. That's better.
    

76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. Beer retention is harder to get rid of.
    

77. The remote control is yours and yours alone. If you're alone in the room. If not, you'll have to share it, just like women do.
    

78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. That one's true. Men win and they get to be the jerks too.
    

79. ESPN's SportsCenter. Fashion TV.
    

80. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. Well, that's just inconsiderate.
    

81. Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers. That's just cause brides whomp grooms' butt afterward. But yeah, ok, you have your little victory there.
    

82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother. Yeah, you wanna marry her (look up Oedip). That's really healthy.

83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked. Women can buy condoms without being considered whipped; men can't do the same with tampons.
    

84. You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom. No, but they do go to the little boys' room.

85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed. Crazy does not equal women. If we can agree on that, there's no argument anymore, now is there?
    

86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man. And everybody will be disgusted by you. Old ladies are nice though.
    

87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it." And women can't?

88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies. Great, two schmucks being hit by a bomb is always better than one.
    

89. Princess Diana's death was just another obituary. Really, it's unrespectful to put that on the list. Plus men are insensitive.
    

90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. Is this the 100-reasons-it's-great-to-be-a-redneck-list?
    

91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood. Women never have to miss a sexual opportunity because the opposite sex is not in the mood.
    

92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny. At least cruel men do.
    

93. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room. Women can get it to a plumber or a mechanic and get it fixed.
    

94. New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet. Ok, true, but nobody has a men's feet fetish.
    

95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind. Cause women's minds are equipped with their own imaginations.

96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries. Of course you don't, you just have to suffer the silent treatment when you forget.
    

97. Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them. Oh, you really don't know anything about women, do you??

98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?" ...But your significant other can't. And that's worse.
    

99. Baywatch. Have you ever seen a Latin soap?
    

100. There's always a game on Somewhere. Some of his Somewhere There's always. Of if There Is not, that's ok too.

So ... Who won?

A 100 Reasons Why It's Great to Be a Woman with comments is coming right up.