"I can not. I want to break. "
" And? What's the time? Each time you do the same. You decide you want to break up. And you know very well that every time you change your mind. "
both cylinder heads from time Romanian because I wanted to break up. Well I do not remember what it was, whether good kisser or not, if she was beautiful or ugly, if he had verbal tics not. In my mind I now have a vague image of a summary of all the men in my life, an amalgam of desire and frustration of my then and now and probably in his description of these lines would tell you more about me than about him. Anyway, all that matters now is that he was my first love. I was then a teenager with short hair, blue eyes and attitude. I had the impression that they are mature just because I've looked at many movies, I read many books and I like to dramatize his life. I had to find than later, but understood backwards things - great men are too busy to May dramatize.
"This time is different."
"Why? What did I do? "
" It's not what you did, but I ... you know - I cheated. "
fixed his eyes somewhere in my crown. He stayed there a while, for I felt my hair turn gray even while he was looking, stuck to me. You did not ask me more about who it was. There was no need to give details. I knew them both. It was an older boy, the kind of guy who wins the girl of my age. With poems. With gestures and flowers. With patience and persistence. It was the kind of guy who protects a girl. What keeps the door open a restaurant and help lower the car. Notice to beside it, not just see. And what I wanted most was to me I understand someone, maybe because I myself do not. Endless discussions with him and was always hopelessly in disagreement. I challenge all the time, and I like to be challenged. He liked to dance with a girl. He was the type of guy with whom a girl and shortness of breath during a slow song.
And I wanted that boy to me. How the hell can I resist? I melt now after such men, and then just beginning to understand what's up with life! I knew then what? ... I tried. At first I tried to be indifferent, then irritated, but all I was able to be flattered and available. And he threw out the window now my first love. A love that must fight ... I just was not to be dropped into his arms. A love that sense. All my life I tried to find the meaning of things. It's an overrated concept. As long as you live, and all the really mind, as you live so intensely that sometimes get tired, what's the point to find explanations? And who has time to sit to look for? And in that moment, I had enough I know just want to let go of the boy that I did not want him near me.
silent. She looked at me and silent. Suddenly, his head back in a gesture of renunciation, as if to say "I'm not interested, I no longer worth fighting for. " Then I knew it was over. I was finally free! I was hard to believe that everything was so fast. But it gets easier all the wounds. More difficult to heal.
and now I hurt after I wear me like a hump, like a tumor. Sometimes it hurts me every time I drive past a place, or when talking to someone on the phone as a surgery hurts when it rains outside. Sometimes I feel that the world sees me as humpback and looked at me like a freak and when I try to make small-small, till one sees me. Most times I cover my hump with one practiced smile much, especially for these moments.
I was afraid to move. I wanted to go there, not to be near him. I wish I did not love me anymore. So, suddenly. Not to hurt him. But I could not get up and leave, I was stuck by a terrible guilt. So I stuck with the look of the floor that they had promised me to tears. Not deserve.
Just when I did finally, and gave courage to get up, move with a calm, deliberate, is placed his hand over mine. What could that mean? What did he do?
"The girl I love I would not be wrong. It would be wrong. Look at me. You lied. As long as it's gonna be that girl that I know, not let you go. "
realized! I understood. There'd never been wrong on CINV. I was faithful to the idea of \u200b\u200bfidelity. But I felt dirty anyway, because I wanted. I wanted to leave, to flee into the arms of others, let him seduce me. In fact, had done so already, just not anyone had told me. And for that I felt guilty. But he knew! I knew, as was part of it. Involuntarily, my arms were hanging around his neck, and my lips still not rid of them. I do not know if he ever knew it, but then I won. Truly.
We were together a long time. The other was bored in a later. Eventually, everyone quit. Everyone leaves. Just as often, longer and return.
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